Join me as I peer into the future like Carnac the Magnificant. Below are my top ten predictions/wishes for the workplace of the future:
10. A Bosshole Intervention Center will be established in Hell, Michigan.
9. The “reply all” button on all electronic devices will emit an electric shock just shy of taser strength. Have your iPhone camera ready those first few days.
8. Robert Sutton, author of “The No Asshole Rule,” will be credited for inventing the anti-jerk vaccine. Guess where the shot must be administered?
7. The term, “brown-noser,” will be deleted from the dictionary as a result of the anti-jerk vaccination.
6. Laughing gas will be provided to employees, free of charge, on Monday’s.
5. Transporter rooms will be installed in every office building, making it unnecessary to fly commercial or spend nights away from home. No more invasive pat downs or bag fees!
4. The real estate used for executive parking spots will be converted into transporter rooms.
3. The elimination of office phones tied to a desk. In fact, people will no longer be tied to a cubicle. And no more supervisors making sure people are tied to a cubicle.
2. Coworkers who get your voicemail and only say something like, “Hey, this is Bill, give me a call,” will be given a free transporter trip to nowhere. Good luck getting back, Bill. Voicemail doesn’t work where you’re going.
And the #1 prediction/wish for the future workplace….
All employees of the future will be able to work anywhere, anytime and anyplace, thanks to ROWE.